After plaguing my servant Bellatrix about a list last week, she actually managed to finally write the one that I was looking for. I want to know what went wrong, of course, and I want to know why all my plans on killing ‘The Boy Who Lived’ failed. Bellatrix came up with a few thought-provoking impulses I’ll deal with in the following article.
Professor Quirrel. I think I’ll choose another one next time to carry my face on his back of the head. He didn’t shave, hardly ever used deoderant, and the turban stunk. Also note that whenever he ‘fainted’ he landed on my head.
Unicorn’s Blood. Where does anyone ever get off on drinking that stuff, anyway? It’s said that the one who drinks it gets cursed. Actually, on second thought, Quirrel drank it. But could that be one reason for my horrible bad luck recently? Especially since wands don’t seem to like me anymore...
Snape. Ah, one of Bella’s pet subjects. But I think she’s got a point here: Trusting the one whose big love you killed tends to put a damper on the relationship.
Obstinacy. Maybe I should not have insisted on being the one who kills the boy myself. It could have been so easy for some of my Death Eaters at times.
Garrulity?! You think I talk too much?! I enjoy talking to Harry Potter. Perhaps it can have its downsides, yes, like that time… and that time, and that time – but I wonder if Bellatrix changes her mind about that subject if I stop talking to her for a few days…
Unmasking Death Eaters In Front Of Potter. It really put a dent in my army.
As you can see, my fellow purebloods, I’m very interested in annihilating former mistakes. I’ll keep it going, touch on all of these and more, and the end exhibit shall prove to be the best plan on killing Harry Potter ever! You’ll experience it.
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